Our 705th Dad in the Limelight is husband, dad, musician, artist, reader, writer, introvert, and best friend, Tony De La Rosa. I want to thank Tony De La Rosa for being a part of this series. It has been great getting connected with him and now sharing Tony De La Rosa with all of you.
- Tell me about yourself
My name is Tony De La Rosa, I (along with my beautiful wife) have 3 kids ages 11, 15, and 18. I’m a husband, dad, musician, artist, reader, writer, introvert, and best friend. Born and raised in Southern California, I grew up riding skateboards, playing music, drawing, and getting lost in Sci-Fi movies. I relocated with my family to Nashville TN in 2006, where, after 20 plus years in the corporate world, I now work as a Real Estate professional. I also offer marketing services and consulting to creative business owners, musical artists, and entrepreneurial hobbyist.
- Tell me about your family
My family is amazing and they’re the hub of everything I do. I’ve known my wife, Imelda for over 30 years, met here as a teenager when I was touring in a rock band, we were friends for 10 years before we dated and then we got married. I must say, it’s true that the woman makes the man, as I have no idea where I’d be without her. We have three kids, Anthony, Marissa, and Christopher, ages 18, 15, and 11, respectively. We’re an artsy, musical, creative family, all of us play a musical instrument, and/or can draw, paint, or just like to make stuff. We also have a pretty curious sense of adventure, and aren’t afraid to challenge conventionality. We’re very close and have pretty open line of communication with each other; we have family dinners almost every night, and talk openly about everything from our daily struggles to the family finances. Like any family, we have our ups and downs, but we work through it no matter what.
- What has been the largest challenge you have had in being a father?
For me, the biggest challenge has been learning the concept of tradeoffs. Making the transition from free spirit musical artist with no anchor tie down to anything, to being the provider and protector of a family wasn’t easy. Some guys can balance both lifestyles; I’m not one of them, I had to dial my focus into being a family man. This doesn’t mean I completely gave up doing something I love; it just means I’ve put it on the back burner for a while, the turning point being the day I realized that the window of opportunity I have with my kids when they’re young is very limited, and that it’s absolutely worth putting everything in my life to the side to be able to focus on being a husband and a father. If there’s time for anything else, great, other than that family is my main focus, with anything else I do being something I can teach the kids, or that we can do together.
- What advice would you give to other fathers?
The best advice I can offer is to live your life for God first, everything else will fall into place. I know that sounds trite and simple, in reality, it’s harder than it sounds, and I pretty much mess it up daily. Additionally, if you’re married, make the marriage the core of everything, if the marriage is strong, raising kids will be easier and communication will be better. When there’s division in the marriage, kids see the division and are smart enough to use it against the parents. Lastly, if you’re looking for ‘Dad advice’ to refer to over and over, here’s a blog post I wrote several years ago titled Fatherhood A to Z (the foundation for a book I’ll write someday). Ironically enough, the mere act of writing this blog post helped me to better put my own Dad priorities into perspective. Oh, there is one more thing, when you’re around an inspirational dad, pay him the compliment of telling him so, and ask if he has any advice. Most guys are happy to share what has worked for them, and you’ll surely walk away learning something new or inspirational.
- How have you come to balance parenthood and outside life?
I wish I could say I have father life balance mastered, but I’m far from it. I keep a set of written goals and whenever I have to make decisions I refer to the goal list and focus my activities on achieving those goals. I have goals broken down into family, personal, financial, etc and it serves as a guide to most everything I do. That isn’t to say my life is so structured that everything I do is targeted toward achieving a goal, quite the opposite, my life is a daily explosion that happens every morning, and I spend the rest of the day trying to put all the pieces together in some order, then I go to sleep and wake up the next day and do it all over again. It’s tough. The goal sheet helps keep me on track, otherwise I get distracted and just float around randomly with little direction other than wanting to read, or create something. I envy those who are naturally organized, manage to maintain parent/life balance, and have everything in its place; unfortunately, I’m not one of those guys, I have to work on it.
- What have you learned from the fathers that you have interacted with?
That most fathers want their kids to have a better life than they did, they struggle with letting their kids learn by making their own decisions, and they want to do things for them because they don’t want to see them struggle. I’ve also learned that the best fathers have respect for their kids as individuals and realize that they can teach them everything they know, but the kid is still going to make his/her decision, and it might or might not be what the father has taught them, that’s just part of the deal. Seeing our kids make mistakes can be painful, and as Dads we have to be there to support them afterward when they need help or advice – usually without saying ‘I told you so’ or in some way being condemning. Lastly, I must add that the most ongoing education I receive is from my own dad, even though he’s no longer with us. Growing up, most of what he tried to teach me made no sense (I was too cool, and he was a grown up, how could he possibly understand me?). Then I got married and had kids and it all made sense. It turns out that for me, what he taught had to be learned in the context of me living it to understand and believe it was true. I’m thankful I was able to tell him that before he passed away.
- What else would you share regarding your experiences as a father thus far?
In my experience, I’ve learned that family is more important than any job or any amount of money. We live in a world where we’re surrounded by materialism and constant distraction, and as hard as I try, sometimes it’s easy to lose focus on what’s important. I’ll check email just for a minute on the weekend, and it turns into an hour, I’ve stayed at the office late to finish a project and I get home and everybody is in bed. Where I used to make a decision based on ‘will it move me up in the company?’, now I consider ‘what will this do to our family life?’ Though I wish I would have learned this concept earlier, I’m thankful I realized it while the kids are still relatively young. It’s the proverbial saying of ‘no man on his deathbed ever said I wish I’d spent more time on my business.’
- What have been the most memorable experiences that you have had thus far as a parent?
I originally wrote almost two pages on this, as there are so many fantastic memories I have when it comes to being a parent. To name a few; when the kids were born. The day I looked up at my oldest son and realized he’s taller than me, and remembering that I used to be able to hold him in my arms. Coaching my son’s basketball team, when I’ve never played basketball in my life. When my two oldest dominated their high school talent show. Watching my daughter as she creates a painting from beginning to end. Realizing at a very early age that my youngest son has an amazing and creative mind that he doesn’t even understand or know how to control. And most recently, dropping my oldest son off at the airport as he courageously boarded a plane to California to pursue his dream of playing music. Most times however, just remembering that I actually am a parent is special, because most of the time I feel no older or any more mature than my own kids. I know it sounds ridiculous, but I’m not naturally a good adult, I had to learn it, and it took me a long time, and part of what I love about being a father is the closeness I have with my kids on an almost non adult level. Of course, there’s a balance; while we’re family, and buddies and friends and best friends, I’m also their leader and authority figure and they look up to me for answers. That’s a big deal to me. They look to me when they don’t know what to do, and they look to me when they do know what to do but they just don’t feel like doing it. It’s those moments of connection that always stand out to me.
If you have any questions for Tony De La Rosa, please leave a comment here and I will make sure that he gets them so that he may be able to respond!
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