Dads in the Limelight – Adam Cherepski

My name is Adam Cherepski and I am a dad. I have this hang-up about referring to myself as a dad and not a father. To me, being a father merely means that you sired a child. To be a dad is something more. I know this may seem silly, but it is how I see it. I work in the public setting in the realm of online education, and on the side, I do some freelance writing. Why am I in the limelight? Because I do my best at being a husband and a dad, and I think that is the greatest thing I can do. I don’t always succeed, but I try. I write about my experiences on my blog called one flew over my house.

My family is unique. It may not look that way at first glance; I have a wife, a son, a daughter, and a dog – no picket fence though. I have been married to my wife for 14 years. My daughter is 8, and my son is 6. Here is the unique factor: I am Catholic and my lovely wife is Jewish. This is not that strange in and of itself, but considering we live in the south, it raises a few eyebrows here and there. We are raising our kids in a way that exposes them to both faiths. They go to Catholic school and they go to Hebrew school on Sundays. Some say that we are confusing them. Others say that what we are doing is admirable. I say we aren’t really concerned with what others say; we just hope they will be open-minded and well-rounded individuals. Our little cashews.

3) What has been the largest challenge you have had in being a father?

This is really two-fold as both kids have presented challenges to us in such a short time. My daughter suffers from anxiety. This has literally shut her down in the happiest (and most expensive) place on earth, DisneyWorld. It consumes her. The world stops for a moment and lands firmly on her shoulders during these instances. My wife and I did not know what to do. We got frustrated, depressed, angry, and defeated. And through it all, we realized that we were not helping…because we were not prepared. We got her into counseling and she currently takes medication. This was a huge step considering I am one of those “suck it up” dads that thinks everything is simply mind over matter. I had to get over this quick. She is now the little girl we knew before the onset of these attacks.

My son, as a toddler had a heart murmur detected at a well visit. We knew something was wrong when the pediatrician looked at us. He ended up having open-heart surgery to repair what was wrong, which is a whole bunch of terms that I can never remember. As a dad, you feel that you are the protector of the family (chauvinistic, I know), but true all the same. But, in this case, there was nothing I could do…nothing. I just had to sit by while someone else went in and fixed my son. This helplessness is awful, but it is something that needs to be accepted as it will not be the last time I feel this way, I am sure.

4) What advice would you give to other fathers?

Be there. This may sound simple, but it is not. We are pulled in so many different directions, that sometimes our kids do not get the attention the deserve or require. We have work, chores, friends, your phone, Netflix, and many other things that serve as distractions. Do not get distracted from your kids. Oh, and by the way, take some breaks for you too. Enjoy balancing that paradoxical existence.

This is a tough one, but a necessary evil. In this regard, the outside life that is hardest to balance is husbandry. It is sad to think of it this way, but I get there. I may not know how or when, but I get there. Being a parent is sometimes all I know. Making sure that time is made for date nights, binge watching with the wife, and even a 5 minute conversation with her that does not have to do with any mention of our offspring is imperative.

But as we know, we can run, but we often cannot hide. So, when it comes to other parts of the outside life, I just make it a point to include the kids. If I watch football, they can sit (quietly) with me and watch too. If I am in the mood to cook an elaborate meal, I let them help. Don’t stop doing the things you love – just involve them.

I have learned that some dads really take this responsibility a little too seriously. I understand that it is a lot of pressure to know that you are accountable for the raising and development of human lives, but under too much pressure, you may just crack. Don’t take it too far; your kids will appreciate you for it.

7) What else would you share regarding your experiences as a father thus far?

Try and go into your child’s room after they are sound asleep. Look at them. Look at every aspect of their face. Now, try not to smile. It is literally impossible. So, when you are feeling less than stellar, give this a try – it is a great remedy.

The day I found out I was going to be one. My wife and I tried for two years to get pregnant to no avail. We went through different levels of infertility treatments, and none of them worked. There were a lot of tears and serious discussions. We were spending money left and right on treatments that didn’t work…nothing. Finally, the doctor gave us a deadline before moving on to the next treatment. We were on our last chance. My wife went in for her annual, and her doctor recommended a pregnancy test. She did not want one because of all the negative results that she had had to contend with up to this point. The doctor insisted. She called me a short while later crying to the point that I could barely understand her. She was pregnant, and at that point, I was a dad.