Our 698th Dad in the Limelight is Daniel Orgill. I want to thank Daniel Orgill for being a part of this series. It has been great getting connected with him and now sharing Daniel Orgill with all of you.
1) Tell me about yourself, (as well as how you are in the limelight for my readers’ knowledge)
I’m Daniel, a 32 year old Accountant who works in the Health Sector in New Zealand. I’m originally from the middle of the UK but moved here three years ago seeking the great adventure I’d never had.
I’ve been in the limelight recently as a passenger in someone else’s story. My partner has been suffering with an eating disorder for the last 20 odd years. Around 12 months ago she decided to seek help but in doing so, and through a chain of events few could have predicted, she had a very public deterioration in health that left her hospitalized and 24 hours from death (according to her physician).
She ended up being away from the family home for close to 3 months, albeit with weekend visits towards the end, but it was a very difficult time for a vast array of reasons.
2) Tell me about your family
Jayne and I have 4 boys. John, 8, is Jayne’s from a previous partner but he has never had a relationship with his biological father. I have been in his life since just after his second birthday and we all consider me his dad in all senses. George is 5, Jude is 3 and Nikau is 1. We live in a 3 bedroom house a stone’s throw from the beach on the Pacific Coast of New Zealand.
3)What has been the largest challenge you have had in being a father?
Jayne being away was really tough, and even though she’s home now the journey to recovery for her isn’t over just yet. Going from being one of a pair to being the sole parent in many respects was a huge challenge. All of a sudden I was responsible for all of the cooking, the washing, the cleaning, the shopping, making 5 lunches every day, dropping them all off at school and nursery, picking them up from various friends’ houses who were child-minding for me, sorting out school holiday activities, every night-time wake up.
I’ve always tried to do my share so doing chores was not new and I had help from friends of course, but the volume of things you don’t even think are a thing until it’s 10pm and you have to do it and all you want to do is sleep…
This was on top of working a demanding full time job and being relentlessly occupied with the health of Jayne. Physically she’s much better now but there are mental health issues that may never go away and we all have to do the best we can in the circumstances.
I wouldn’t consider myself a natural nurturer, which was a bit of a discovery to me. I’ve always been quite good with children, but I’m probably not as good as I used to think.
4) What advice would you give to other fathers?
Sleep when you can, because you’ll miss it when it’s gone. Baby-lead weaning is great but get used to cleaning the floor 3 times per day. Look after yourself as well as those around you. The last one is the hardest part, the temptation to give yourself over to others at the expense of yourself is undoubtedly string, but you are still a person.
5) How have you come to balance parenthood and outside life?
I joined the volunteer fire brigade to give me an interest outside of the home. I had to give this up for a while when Jayne was away but I am just about getting back on track now and hope to complete my recruit training this year if I can. That’s really good fun.
I took up running too, though I have lapsed a bit in the last year. I completed a half marathon last September and achieved my goal of under 2 hours which I was fairly pleased with. I’d love to start again but I just can’t find the time at the minute.
6) What have you learned from the fathers that you have interacted with?
The fears we all have are common; Am I doing it right? What if I get it wrong? Am I setting the right sort of example?
I’ve recently joined an online group for fathers where people are very honest, which has been very enlightening. I think it attracts a certain type of father, i.e. those who take their responsibility seriously, even if they are not the primary care giver, or even involved in the child’s life. There are a lot of good news stories, a lot of hope and a lot of inspiration, but also raw openness. This really helps contextualize my own thoughts about my approach to parenthood. I think I’m doing okay.
7) What else would you share regarding your experiences as a father thus far?
I parachuted into fatherhood without the 9 (ish) month of build-up, without the traditional life before kids with my partner. It has proven to be a really bumpy and exhilarating ride. The lows have been very low (when my partner was away and I hadn’t properly slept for days because baby was teething I was in a pretty bad place mentally) but the little things build you up to an even bigger high – when you see all the little milestones that mark them growing up into independent people, watching the sheer delight on their faces over the smallest things, experiencing an inconsolable child become completely calm just because of your presence and proximity.
8)What have been the most memorable experiences that you have had thus far as a parent?
First days at school, baking my first ever cake for Nikau’s 1st birthday, the trips to hospital (1 x broken leg, 2 x respiratory issues), the trip to NZ with these little ones who had no idea how much had gone into what we were about to do and how much of it was for them – a complete mixed bag of ups and downs over the years but all completely unique markers in time of where we were, what we were doing and how things have changed. They grow up so fast and I don’t think you see it unless you have these memorable comparisons.
If you have any questions for Daniel Orgill, please leave a comment here and I will make sure that he gets them so that he may be able to respond!
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