Our 840th Dad in the Limelight is author and pastor Noah Filipiak. I want to thank Noah Filipiak for being a part of this series. It has been great getting connected with him and now sharing Noah Filipiak with all of you.
1) Tell me about yourself, (as well as how you are in the limelight for my readers knowledge)
I’m the author of Beyond the Battle: A Man’s Guide to his Identity in Christ in an Oversexualized World. This is a book about overcoming pornography, as well as finding contentment in both marriage and singleness. I’m also the founding pastor of Crossroads Church in Lansing, MI (2006) and blog at www.atacrossroads.net. I’ve been married for 13 years and have 3 daughters. I played semipro football in 2012 for the Capital City Stealth and ran track and cross country in college at Cornerstone University. Between juggling my three kids, I still enjoy pickup basketball, triathlons, and 10K’s. I love writing, am pursuing a PhD in biblical studies, and host several podcasts. Fun fact: I’ve had 3 ACL surgeries!
2) Tell me about your family
I’m very outnumbered by 4 women in my house! My wife is an elementary music teacher in Haslett, MI. She is in her 13th year, and her first at Haslett. My oldest daughter is 6 and attends the school my wife teaches at. My next daughter is 4 and I also have a 9-month-old.
3) What has been the largest challenge you have had in being a father?
This school year has been a unique challenge because I have to give my 4-year-old a ride to and from preschool and my infant a ride to and from daycare. Last school year, it worked out for my two oldest to go to the school my wife taught at, and we didn’t have the baby yet. This new schedule of me being the school bus has been very draining. In addition, my 4-year-old’s preschool is closed on Wednesdays so I have my 4-year-old and baby home with me all day every Wednesday. I am a very driven worker. I love my job and I love writing and I love getting things done. My work week has shrunk almost in half this school year, which has been a burden that won’t end until this school year is out. I’d say the other big challenge is ear infections! My middle daughter had to get tubes when she was a baby and now my 9-month-old is scheduled for them as well. We are good at getting ear infections and good at keeping them. I love my kids, but by far the ear infections are the hardest part of the baby stage for me.
4) What advice would you give to other fathers?
Intentionally create a warm, secure, environment of love. One of the biggest areas psychologists work with their clients around is the wounds left by their father. Wouldn’t it be awesome if our kids didn’t have these wounds? Or at least they were minimized? All three of my kids have been very happy ever since they were babies; people mention it all the time. I don’t think this is random. I am so intentional from the day they are born to interact with them like crazy. I play games with them non-stop, swooping them in the air, tickling them, chasing them, hugging them. They know they are loved because I create these positive experiences with them constantly and consistently. If I ever write a book on parenting, it will be titled “Look At Me” because this is the line kids say to their parents over and over again. And if we don’t look at them (showing them they have value, showing them they are important, etc.), they will simply find someone else who will. While I realize I have some rocky roads ahead, as my oldest daughter is only 6, I am still confident that this is a pattern that holds true for all of humanity. It’s the reason we so easily get caught up in sexual struggles that leave us high and dry, drug and alcohol abuse, the unlimited chase for power, and so on. We want someone to look at us so we feel valuable. My goal is that my daughters never have to do that.
5) How have you come to balance parenthood and outside life?
I get up before my kids do (which is very difficult!) to read my Bible, pray, and spend time with the Lord. I need this peaceful time of solitude to replenish my soul. There’d be no way I could pour love out to my kids or my church without it. I can’t pour love out without first experiencing being loved. In Jesus, I have an unlimited source of love always ready to be tapped into. Recreationally, the challenge I mentioned above of driving my 4-year-old to preschool has eaten into my normal workout time, which was always before or after my workday. I’m down to only getting to workout on my day off (Monday) with an occasional weekend workout if I can get away by myself for a bit. To help remedy this, I’ve made sure to sign up and pay for triathlons and 10K road races well in advance. This forces me to train during times that I wouldn’t normally want to, like at night. But since I’ve paid the money already, my competitive nature won’t let me show up for a race without being able to compete at a high level.
6) What have you learned from the fathers that you have interacted with?
I think the biggest thing I’ve learned is that we’re all in the same boat. Being a dad is hard! It’s hard to give up most of your free time, consistently putting others above yourself. It’s hard to put up with ear infections and whining and crying, sometimes you just lose your patience. It’s comforting to know that this doesn’t make you a terrible dad or a terrible person, it’s natural and normal. One big thing I’ve learned from other dads is the importance of getting babysitters so you can still spend quality time with your wife. It’s easy for that to go out the window altogether.
7) What else would you share regarding your experiences as a father thus far?
I just want to reiterate the importance of paying attention to your kids. They are more important than the game, they are more important than money, they are more important than your job. Turn off the TV, stop working late, stop going on so many business trips, and spend time with your kids. It will alter the course of their entire life like nothing else can, and you can never rewind or go into a time machine so don’t miss the precious opportunities you have in front of you today.
8) What have been the most memorable experiences that you have had thus far as a parent?
Cuddling with my kids. It’s the absolute best and I try to savor ever second of it.
If you have any questions for Noah Filipiak, please leave a comment here and I will make sure that he gets them so that he may be able to respond!
Also, do you know a Dad in the Limelight? If so, please email me their contact information so that they too can be a part of this series!
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