Dads in the Limelight – Victor Cho, CEO of Evite

My name is Victor Cho. I’m currently the CEO of Evite, the world’s leading platform for bringing people together to celebrate their most important life moments. I have been in the limelight for the last several decades at such companies as Microsoft, Intuit, and Kodak–helping them reinvent their business models as they made the transition into the connected world. I am also an active advisor and speaker, and sits on several boards.

I have been happily married for almost 25 years now and have two wonderful, energetic young daughters in grade school. I am surrounded by women in my life, including our new pet python, Kiwi (who was hand-picked out of an entire store of potential pets by my girls, to my wife’s chagrin). A common element of all of the women in my life (including our pet it seems)–they are currently or well on their way to being fierce and confident women.

The biggest challenge in becoming a father in my mind is ensuring that you completely embrace that responsibility in the moment. When you are with your children, you need to Be There (that’s our company tagline BTW). They deserve your complete attention and focus. That is difficult in today’s connected world where you are pulled in a thousand directions by work, household responsibilities, and more. It’s one of the reasons Evite has recently partnered with CommonSenseMedia.org to promote device-free dinners.

In our family, we have taken the concept of focused attention to the next level and have something called “Daddy-Daughter Trips” where I will take my girls (separately) on over-night or potentially multi-night trips together. Those dedicated bonding times are truly priceless and really change the nature of your interactions with your children. You will be amazed at how different elements of their personalities come out when it’s just the two of you, alone, without any distractions.

I have found, not just in family life but in life overall, that those with balance have mastered four important things: 1) they are incredibly clear on their priorities and how they want to spend their time; 2) they are rigorous at triaging anything outside of those priorities; 3) they do not procrastinate; and finally 4) they find moments of synergy where they can achieve multiple goals simultaneously. If you can do those four things, I think you’ll find your life can be well within balance.

There’s a simple but important equation I see at play with fathers and their kids. Joyful father = Joyful children. If you want your children to experience raw, unfiltered happiness where they relish the joy of the moment, you need to role model that behavior. Someone had a great quote that made a significant imprint on me: “20% of your influence on how your kids ultimately behave will be because of your active instruction and teaching. 80% of how they behave will come from their observation of your behavior.”

After my previous CEO role, I actually took an 18 month sabbatical so I could spend time with my young children. In that period I was able to see what life as a stay-at-home-parent entails (both my wife and I work, so neither of us have had this experience). It is incredibly challenging work. My advice to any parent who has a stay-at-home spouse: 1) never ever ask them “what did you do all day” and 2) assume that by the time you come home they are mentally and physically exhausted (an office environment is a cake-walk in comparison in many ways).

The Daddy-Daughter trips I mentioned above are of course up toward the top of my list. But today, if I had to call out a single moment, it’s when my girls (and they have each done this separately) grab my hand, look into my eyes, and say “Daddy, I love you very much.” I’m still waiting on the snake though.