Dads in the Limelight – Lou Doench of Grounded Parents

My Name is Lou Doench (rhymes with Stench as I was routinely informed by my helpful school mates in elementary school.) I’m 48, a lifelong 4th generation resident of the city that Longfellow coined Queen of the West, Cincinnati, Ohio. I’m the oldest of eight kids, yes we were Catholic… emphasis on “were”. I’m a househusband and stay at home Dad. I started blogging at Raising Hellions back in 2009, just doing some fun Dad Blogging. Since 2013 I have been privileged to blog for Grounded Parents, a home for feminist, skeptical, secular, atheist and science oriented parenting bloggers. We’re proud members of the Skepchick network of blogs. I currently manage our weekly links column Weekend Reads as well as my own intermittent feature the Internet Meme Demolition Derby, where I snarkily demolish bad parenting advice and misinformation as it is shared on social media.  One of my goals for 2017 is to assemble the IMDD into a 45 minute talk for Skepticon 10 , the largest free skeptical and atheist conference in the country.

My wife and I met on a chilly November night just after the previous bizarre election in 2000 at the late lamented Kaldi’s Coffeeshop. Before we could stop ourselves we were married, moved in, homeowners and then suddenly parents. The Hellions are Abby/Schmoo (11), Carolina/Peanut (9), and our SURPRISE boy Linus/Grommet (7). The wife works in management for a ginormous international consumer products corporation, so when we started having the babies it was obvious that I was going to be the one to give up his lucrative career as a starving artist photographer to stay at home with the offspring. I’ve been a stay at home Dad and househusband for 13 years and I have zero regrets. All three of them are enrolled at the School for Creative and Performing Arts 

Next year we’ll be moving just down the road from our house in Northside to a brand new custom built home, which is exciting and scary and my wife blogs about it here, Wishful Thinking

3) What has been the largest challenge you have had in being a father?

Balancing family care with self care has been one of the biggest hurdles. Especially as a SAHD when the kids were little I could find myself overwhelmed, counting the seconds until I could hand off to The Girl and escape for some time around adults. Eventually I sought some psychiatric help and was diagnosed with ADHD and generalized anxiety. Getting help for those issues has made a huge difference in my ability to Dad successfully. As the airline safety instructions say, make sure you put your own oxygen mask on first.

Communicate with your spouse or whatever other support network you have. Popular culture has done a horrible job modeling functional family lives, depending on misunderstandings and miscommunication to prop up cheap laughs and melodrama. Instead make sure you are taking time to talk to everyone in your life. Make sure you know their needs and expectations and they know yours. This goes for kids as well, they are all individuals and what works for one may not work for the others. Be patient with them, they aren’t finished yet.

It can sometimes be a highwire act, however our somewhat atypical arrangement makes things a lot easier. Having a parent who is free to pick up sick kids from school, keep the Sisyphean task of laundry moving and make sure there is dinner on the table at a somewhat regular time makes everything else so much easier. We have also made sure to negotiate time for grown up stuff. In my case my wife helps keep me sane by making sure I get two nights a week playing D&D with my best buds. And I make sure she can do happy hour with her coworkers when needed.

My Dad died before I had a family of my own, which is too bad. He was a radio news director, a soccer coach for 20 years, and one of the friendliest people I ever met. That being said he was also very Catholic, which is why I have 4 little brothers and three little sisters and we were always just on the edge of family stability, both financially and emotionally. But he did teach me a lot of lessons I pass on to my kids. We devour the news. We have active political discussions, especially as The Schmoo starts to reach her teen years. He taught me to love the out doors and to love travel and that is something we have been lucky enough to share. And he also taught me to play, to play with glee and abandon at whatever you do.

Take care of yourself. You won’t be young forever and children will add to your years. I didn’t and I’m paying for it now in the form of extra weight, sore joints and general blechiness. Do some pushups, they won’t kill you.

And take lots of pictures and videos. We live in the future, don’t forget that.

Hiking in the Black Hills, in Idaho, in Zion. Taking the Hellions on their first ride on The Beast  this year. Watching our walls fill up with their art and our halls fill with their music.