Dads in the Limelight – Jason Hoover of Pixel Parenting

My name is Jason Hoover. I am a stay at home dad and founder of pixelparenting.com, a website dedicated to helping parents through the hard struggle that is raising children. I come from a 15-year background in childcare. Even with a long background in caring for children of all ages I was shocked at how ill-prepared the general public and the medical community lets parents be when having children. People joke about poopy diapers and no sleep, but no one prepares you for the actual destructive power of no sleep combined with the new responsibility of taking care of another human being. While I don’t think anything can fully prepare you for the first night at home I want to take the parent masks off and let people know we are all struggling, but it is possible, and it is wonderful (eventually). Pixel Parenting does not want parents to buy into the lie that all of parenting is struggle and sacrifice because the majority can be joy and memories. The website has been cruising along as a passion project for 6 months now and will have parenting courses coming in 2019. My wife and I jumped into me being a stay at home dad in November of 2017, 3 months after our second son was born. Staying at home has brought so much joy, pain, struggles, success, and learning to our lives. It was the right choice, I think.

I have two boys, Lincoln Carter who will be 5 this December and Remington Grant currently at the 15-month mark. I just had to go to the basement to make sure so I can say with 100 percent confidence that I have been married to my beautiful and understanding wife, Larissa, for 12 years. We were high school sweethearts who took a break through the college years and then reconnected. Larissa is the gravity of this family. When everything starts to get away from us she recenters us. She keeps us grounded and moving forward.

After we brought our first boy, Lincoln, home in 2013 we had the first sleepless, crying, no nurses to help night from hell. On top of all of the normal insanity my wife was complaining of trouble breathing. We called the doctor who said she was “stressed out” and even called in some calming meds to our local pharmacy. It was so bad that in the morning we called my in-laws to make the two-hour drive to help us. It only got worse. They were here and now everyone had an opinion. My wife continued to say she couldn’t breathe, my son would not suck a breast to literally save his life, and I was a depressed mess trying to hold together that we could do this. As we layed down that night to sleep Larissa said she felt like she would die if she closed her eyes. My mother in law rushed her out to the E.R. Turned out she was right. Larissa was diagnosed with postpartum cardiomyopathy or PPCM. A rare heart condition that happens towards or after pregnancy causing the heart muscle to not work properly. There she was without me or her new baby boy at the hospital. There Lincoln and I were at home without her. The next 4 days of recovery were an overwhelming blur of diapers, bonding, finding a way, and trying to cope. I had nightmares each night of being a single father. The baby got to visit one time and we hobbled around the hospital to try to see how she was doing. I watched my 31 year young wife fight so hard just one week after the hardest thing she had ever done. I wish I could take all of it away. I know people say “look where it got you” or “we learned a lesson”. I wanted to take all her suffering and I was done with fear. I am so glad (for once) for my mother in law. It was trial by father and it was not fun. Remington in 2017 was a big risk for her, but she wanted Lincoln to have a sibling. His birth went smoothly despite the heightened risk.

Consistency is so crucial. Everyone wants advice on behavior, potty training, bedtime, mealtime, and the list goes on. It is all consistency. If your expectations remain the same for your children that is what they live up to. What you tolerate they will do. What you don’t tolerate they will stop. Single Dad, Working Dad, Divorced Dad, Married Dad, Stay at Home Dad, they are all equally important and their children are a direct reflection of their parenting. In all my years in childcare, nothing was more clear than a child (especially a boy) with an absent father. (not present physically or mentally) We live in the information age. As a father, there is no excuse not to learn how to dad up. It is too damaging not to connect with your child. It takes being there and being consistent. In words and deeds. Instruct often and apologize even more often. Most importantly please remember you are leading this family, so lead.

5) How have you come to balance parenthood and outside life?

I have not perfected this. If anyone has, please write a book. A lot of us need it. I do find outlets. I exercise. I play too much Xbox when I put the kids to bed. I go out and indulge in fried food and cheap beer once a month with other guys. As a stay at home dad I don’t pretend to be a mom. Male bonding is still necessary. The internet is a great place if you let it be. I connect with so many positive people through the pixel parenting blog and Instagram. Commenting with a few people back and forth really makes my day and lets me still feel connected.

One side of the coin was my Dad. He was constantly in a bad mood. I have very few memories of him being happy or excited or wanting to hang out. I used to despise him, but now I just feel bad that he had no idea what he was doing. He still doesn’t. I learned to not freak out with kids. They are learning all the time. When you lose your mind because they break a 5 dollar toy all they do is hide the broken toy next time. Those are patterns I don’t want to create. He was trying to teach us to appreciate things but wasn’t creating an atmosphere of appreciation. I still get pissed when my wife turns the thermostat up and I blame him.

The other side of the coin were the myriad of fathers I met at a Men’s retreat with Grace Community Church of Cranberry Township in 2017. I was fed up with going to work for someone else every day and feeling like I was giving my best to my job and not my family. So many men (too many divorced men), men that had money, men that I thought should be happy told me the same thing: “You got it man. All of that other stuff will be there later. Don’t miss your kids growing up or you will regret it.” And one important father, Robert, who said, ” That job will replace you in a week.” These fathers were the catalyst for me to try to be the best dad I can be.

Scheduling has let me rock my stay at home dad life. I know I can focus solely on my kids for the time they need me because I have scheduled everything for the day. It doesn’t always work out, but I cannot imagine where I would be without it.  

My oldest boy, Lincoln, recently got his first Jiu Jitsu stripe. He earned it. His proud face and the way he hugged me. I hope I get a lot more of those hugs.

Remington, the youngest, fighting to stack blocks and getting five on top of each other. The accomplishments are all around. I am proud of the manners they use, the way they treat their mother and their love for life.

Follow me on Pinterest