Our 859th Dad in the Limelight is Jonathan Oliver. I want to thank Jonathan Oliver for being a part of this series. It has been great getting connected with him and now sharing Jonathan Oliver with all of you.
1) Tell me about yourself, (as well as how you are in the limelight for my readers knowledge)
My name is Jonathan Oliver and I am a stay at home dad and the founder of Higher Enlightenment, a personal development coaching company dedicated to providing spiritual and intelligent insight with the goal of helping people believe in themselves and soar through their fears and hurdles. I am a published author and wrote the book Joy in the Journey: 1st year chronicles from a stay at home dad where I chronicle my first year experiences as a stay at home dad with my first-born Journey. I cover the struggles and joys of parenting ranging from sleep training, getting back to dating my wife, finding a nanny, traveling, selecting a preschool, and so much more. Be inspired, encouraged, and comforted as you join me on a journey that will be sure to shatter the loneliness of being a stay at home dad. As the roles of masculinity continue to evolve, more and more men are embracing new and exciting roles. No longer is it acceptable for men to be emotionally disconnected from their children. Men are learning to accept the fact they can be just as loving, caring and nurturing as women. Doing so does not make them less of a man, it makes them authentic men who are committed to loving their children and being amazing fathers. Joy In The Journey provides men with a guidebook to support them in dealing with the challenges of manhood and provides insights to make the experience more rewarding and fulfilling.
2) Tell me about your family
I’ve been married for 9.5 years to my amazing wife. We met in a MCAT prep course because at one point I was interested in medicine but I realized that wasn’t the path for me. She continued with her medical education and is now a general cardiologist. From the beginning of our relationship we always talked about the fact that she would likely want to continue working full time if we had children so we planned for that. We now have 2 beautiful daughters, Journey (3) and Justice (4 months).
3) What has been the largest challenge you have had in being a father?
I was surprised that I could experience my own form postpartum depression. My life before children consisted of a lot of travel and interacting with thousands of people in a week. So to go from always moving and interacting with different people to being at home alone with an infant that can’t speak was very difficult for me. Add in that I knew no one in our new city, and no one looked like me or was doing what I was doing was very isolating and led me to be depressed. Being a black man and being a stay-at-home dad, it’s a double-edged sword because not only is there very few stay-at-home fathers that I have interacted with, there are very few black stay-at-home fathers that I have interacted with, so it was truly one of those things where I felt like I was out on an island by myself.
4) What advice would you give to other fathers?
Before I have an imaginary tea party or playing ball with my daughter, it’s important for her to see that I love her mother. Once my daughter knows, feels, and senses that her mother is loved by her father, she will know she is in a safe environment and this allows her to grow and thrive. Now that she is almost 3, it’s such a joy to see her want to join in on a hug when she sees me hugging and kissing her mother. She mimics my love for her mother. Realizing this took away the pressure of being a “perfect parent” and helped me to understand that my first job is to be a good husband to my wife. Being a good dad starts with being a good husband. It starts with getting involved in the entire prenatal process and embracing that experience with your wife. So if you really want to be a good dad, make darn sure you’re a good husband, because great husbands become great dads.
If there’s one thing your baby needs, it’s a stable, loving home. Work to make your marriage rock solid.
5) How have you come to balance parenthood and outside life?
It has come through my writing. This was a major reason why I wrote Joy in the Journey: 1st year chronicles from a stay at home dad. I wanted to dive back and help other dads in the same role. I didn’t want to lose myself in my daughter, Journey, where she became my all and everything. I didn’t want to lose who Jonathan J.O. was. So writing the book gave me balance and helped me stay connected to who I am and how I want to grow in this process of being a father. It gave me a new purpose.
6) What have you learned from the fathers that you have interacted with?
Slow down and enjoy my children while I can and while they’re young. They aren’t going to be babies forever.
7) What else would you share regarding your experiences as a father thus far?
First, that black men are not deadbeat dads. We are thriving and growing in our marriage and our communities.
Secondly, I want to give all stay at home parents, but particularly fathers, the information, confidence, and encouragement to fully engage in the parenting process, their marriages, and their communities.
Lastly, I want people to realize there is a shift occurring and more men are transitioning to the homemaker role than ever before. We as men are more than capable and are wanting and willing to raise our children with the support and encouragement of other parents.
8) What have been the most memorable experiences that you have had thus far as a parent?
Seeing the birth of both of my daughters, Journey and Justice. Seeing them born was the most mind-blowing experience of my entire life. It was beautiful, magical, emotional, humbling, and spiritual. I will never fully understand the transformation my wife went through from pregnancy, labor, delivery, and forever motherhood.
If you have any questions for Jonathan Oliver, please leave a comment here and I will make sure that he gets them so that he may be able to respond!
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