Our 638th Dad in the Limelight is Michael Von Bank. I want to thank Michael Von Bank for being a part of this series. It has been great getting connected with him and now sharing Michael Von Bank with all of you.
1.Tell me about yourself (as well as how you are in the limelight for my readers knowledge).
My name is Michael Von Bank, also known as “Cranio Dad”. I spend my days working as a Business Analysist in Cost Containment for a MCO that manages the state Medicaid program, and I love my job. The reason may not be what you would expect, just yet. I am also, most importantly the dad to two amazing children (with a third on the way) and husband to an incredibly beautiful, talented, hardworking, and amazing wife. I spend my time on the vastness of the internet trying show how life is different when one of your children have Craniosynostosis, or Cranio for short. What the heck does that scary 16 letter word mean? Well, I am working on a book to answer that very question for parents that find out the same way I did, when my daughter was born and rushed to the NICU.
2) Tell me about your family
I could not do all that I am without my best friend by my side. My wife, KatiAnn, hails from the west coast. By pure fate we met, fell in love, and I convinced her that I was worthy of her changing her name for. In all honesty, she is my better half, and we have had to balance our hardships on each other over the last five years a bit more than many.
Our oldest is our daughter, Zoey, who is somewhere between a beautiful little toddler and a nightmare of a teenager. The parents out there know exactly how quixotic our little 3-5 year olds can be. She is the reason that Cranio is in our lives. She has shown time and time again that she is strong, even though she has not been given a choice, as she has recovered from 8 various surgeries (with more on the way). Regardless, she is full of love, and wonder. I never grow tired of her running to the door to greet me when I get home, showing me the dress she just put on. I think that she never get tired of me telling her how beautiful she truly is.Our currently exo-utero youngest is our son, David. Ever since he was our inner-
Our currently exo-utero youngest is our son, David. Ever since he was our inner-utero youngest, there has been something amazing about this boy. His heart is so full of love and compassion, and he is fiercely protective of his big sister (just as she is of him… it is cute, until we are called out of church to head to the nursery because SOMEONE pushed another kid). He is all boy, and it is awesome to see how he has brought so much peace to our rather chaotic family. At two going on 16, he can be a handful. I think that he honestly believes that he cannot be hurt. So, when he jumps off the couch and bumps his face on the floor, comes crying over to mommy or daddy… a few minutes later… he does it again.Our currently inner-
Our currently inner-utero youngest is… well, I have never met the kid, but he/she is not making his/her mother sick, so that is good. In addition, he/she is fairly easy to clean up after. Trust me, I know better than to think that it will stay this way.
3) What has been the largest challenge you have had in being a father?
There could be countless things that I answer this question with. There was the time that I was laid off and we had only our savings to live on for three months. There was just preparing to become a dad in the first place. But these truly pale in comparison to sitting and waiting while my baby girl has her skull cut off, reshaped, and placed back on top of her brain… so she could live. Let me explain.
There are countless ways that Cranio is treated, and they are limited to the shear magnitude of ways that it affects the child. In my daughter’s case, she has had a few surgeries where a plastic surgeon and neurosurgeon work as a team to remove her skull, make 100’s of micro cuts into the bone, and place it back on top of her head so her brain can grow. Actually, there is a post that I wrote about the moment that my daughter went back for one of these surgeries.
That sums up exactly what that moment feels like. As a dad, we take it upon ourselves to NEVER let anything happen to our children. However, there are times like these where we are forced to hand them over to people that are really good at their job, knowing that the end result is a good thing, but in the near term there will be so much pain. Becoming a parent that can look at a monitor and tell you what my daughter is feeling based on her respirations and heart rate may seem like a superpower, but in reality, it is a nightmare. Thankfully, she has always recovered, and it has never truly slowed her down from being a kid. Nevertheless, there are a few days surrounding each surgery that she needs me more than ever, and I will always be there to hold her.
4) What advice would you give to other fathers?
If you are getting ready to be a father for the first time… do not worry so much. You are right to worry, because life as you know it will not even exist as a shadow of its former self when that baby comes. That is not a bad thing. You may not see it at first, but youvr life is about to get so much better than you thought it could be.
It takes a man to be a dad. Any boy can be a father, all it takes is a poor decision and it will happen. However, it takes a man to stand up and be a dad. It is not easy, it will never be easy, but it is so worth it. Be a man, stand up, and be a dad.
Even when you think that things are at the worst, they could always get better. Go ahead, go back and read that largest challenge that I have up there again. It is ok, I will wait.
Did you read it again?
Ok, so like I was saying, when you are mad, upset, huddled in the corner crying, depressed, or any of that, remember. This guy right here has sat by as his daughters skull has been cut open, re-shaped and placed back on… a few times. There are things that could be so much worse. It does not make you less of a man, or even less of a dad to feel the strain, to be worried, to be depressed, to be angry. Just remember, that things can and often do get better. Trust me; I have met the parents that have not had things get better. Remember them when you are upset because your window was just broken by your little one.
5) How have you come to balance parenthood and outside life?
It is not easy, at first. Then I came to realize that in order for me to be the dad that my children need, to be the husband that my wife needs, I have to do well outside of the home. We are a single income family, with extraordinary medical expenses and student loans (seriously, all totaled nearly $150K). I must do well. That means when I am at work, I have to be focused. My beloved bride knows that if there is an issue that arises that she can call, and I will be home in a hot minute, and I have to trust that she will call when those times come.
Outside of work? My kids are a huge part of my life, intentionally. That means that I am always looking for things to do that involve them. WE go on trips to the store. WE go run errands. WE go out to lunch. I would have it no other way.
I have been able to have one night a week, fairly regular, that I am able to get together with some friends and play games. Usually this means dungeons and dragons, but it could also mean we select from the plethora of board games that we all own. I do the same for my beloved bride. Parents need that break. Sadly, it is far too rare that we get to take that break together, but we are working on that.
6) What have you learned from the fathers that you have interacted with?
The level of advice and knowledge that fathers are willing to share with one another is astonishing. Having a larger group of dad’s to turn too when something encroaches upon our lives is fantastic. Odds are, someone has gone through it, or is going through it. Given the chance, we (fathers) all want to see other fathers succeeded.
7) What else would you share regarding your experiences as a father thus far?
If you think that you have it all together, you are doing something wrong. There are countless perfect moments, amidst the chaos. Look for them, hold on to them, and you will not feel like a failure.
8) What have been the most memorable experiences that you have had thus far as a parent?
Cheesy answer? All of it. Through all of the hardships, stress, lack of sleep, anger, frustration, and so on, I would not change it for anything. Watching my children grow up, develop, and play are the things that I hold so dear. They are my driving force, they are the bearers of the legacy that I am leaving behind. It is my job to make sure that they can take on the weight of whatever legacy I leave, and they always show me that they are stronger than I think. Being a dad, as a whole, is the second best thing to have happened in my life, the first being meeting and marrying my best friend.
If you have any questions for Michael Von Bank, please leave a comment here and I will make sure that he gets them so that he may be able to respond!
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The post Dads in the Limelight – Michael Von Bank appeared first on Dad of Divas.