Dads in the Limelight – Brandon Cunningham, Co-Host of the Beyond the Rut

I guess I am in the limelight in the sense that I am a Pastor and so that makes my kids PK’s.  They have been great about it but it makes for some unique challenges growing up.  I was the leader of a men’s ministry for 3 years before I became the campus pastor for an inner city campus that reached homeless and drug addicted people.  That was a big challenge since I am a white guy from rural NE Texas and never faced the problems of the people we served.  After 2 years I handed that campus off to an amazing couple that had spent time on the streets and in gangs and completely turned their lives around.  I am very proud to say they have done amazing things and lives have changed there since.  I am now a pastor at a smaller church near my home and raising up leaders and changing lives at much better pace for my family.  The inner city campus was a big strain on my kids and my marriage.  My bride was by my side almost all the time and the kids were in the building most of the time so it was a real family commitment.

I am married to the bride of my dreams and we get the honor of raising 2 perfect schnauzer puppies.  Oh yeah and I have 4 boys and a girl that are almost perfect like the dogs.  We are a blended family and married in 2006 when her boys and my 2 boys and girl became a family.  My oldest son is 23 and the girl is 16 so most are out in the world and building their own lives.  We also have 2 grandsons and one on the way in November that will also be a boy.

This is easy.  Serving the church over my family.  I poured my whole world into the church and neglected my family almost to the point of losing both.  I had a very messed up balance and spent too much time doing the work of the church and not taking care of my first blessing and that is my family.  Thankfully God has restored my marriage and relationships with my kids and I do a much better job today.

Date your wife and show your kids that relationship matters more than your relationship with anyone else other than your relationship with God.  Also one thing I see too many fathers do that are not married to the mother of their children is talk bad about them.  I would say the best thing you can do is honor their mom if you are not together and if you are a step father honor their father even if it is hard.  You can honor them by your words and actions without honoring the things they say or do.  This is been huge in my family and in fact my ex wife attends our church and we do many things together as a family.

The hard way.  Like I said I almost lost my family and God had to show me what I would be losing.  I had to learn that my priorities needed to dictate my schedule instead of my schedule dictating my priorities.  The reason is we find time for what we care about and we let slip what we don’t value enough.  My family would accept too many excuses from me and so I did that instead of asking others to sacrifice.  I schedule time alone with each kid and I have date nights or date lunches with my bride.  I also make sure we do a vacation without the kids every year.  A strong marriage will help you be a strong father.  I also take one trip away with each kid as they reach about 16.  Those have been the best trips.

Some good and some bad.  I had a disconnected father that worked all the time and he showed me what not to do.  I also have a step father that loved me no matter how bad I was and no matter what I said.  He showed me a real dad stays and works and loves no matter what.

It is the greatest and hardest job in the world but nothing will bring you more joy than seeing your kids grow and build their own lives.  Also with sons in their 20’s I have seen first hand the importance of letting them learn how to build it themselves and face consequences.  Boys do not become men by being carried over a line.  They must be set up to build it and break out of mom and dad’s to do it.  The eagle throws her babies out of the nest not to be mean but so they learn to fly and survive.  Lowering them to the ground first would mean they would be eaten.

Watching my children serve in church and lead other people to know God.  My daughter leading the evening prayer at student camp just this past week.  Seeing my son hold his new baby boy for the first time.  Leaving my son at college for the first time.  Watching my son drive off to his job with a suitcase because he had been trusted enough to go out of state to do a job.